If you’re going through a breakup right now, I feel for you, I really do. I know everyone says it, but time really does heal. There are things you can do to help yourself throughout the process. If you find you’re suffering, just remember you are dealing with a loss and it’s going to hurt like hell. It may seem like your whole world has ended, but I promise you will find the light at the end of the tunnel.
When I initially started writing this post, it was for the purpose of discussing heartbreak in regards to breakups. In light of losing my dog this week, it got me thinking about how you can experience the pain of heartbreak in different ways. Our life experiences can put things into perspective and our feelings can reflect the situation and connection we had with others. I was thinking about making this a post that could be helpful with all kinds of heartbreak but I do think a relationship ending requires taking different actions to those of grieving the loss of someone you love.
How to deal with heartbreak
Remember why your relationship ended
No matter the circumstances, it’s really important to remember why it ended. Breakups are never going to be easy, you shouldn’t settle just because you are scared to be alone. If you find yourself going back to the good memories, you need to be realistic and remember what you didn’t like, no relationship is perfect, there are probably more things than you even realized whilst you were in it. It’s important to understand that your relationship will never go back to the way it was, now being at this point where someone has called it quits. MUST READ: Love Yourself First
Talk it out
Having a support network helped me the most in getting my head straight. Talking through the situation with family or a friend will help you see things from a realistic point of view. It also makes you realize that there are other people that love you and that you aren’t now completely alone.
Be with someone who wants you
If you are staying in a relationship because you are comfortable, you are wasting your time. If someone ends a relationship with you, why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? It will never end well. When feelings are mutual, the relationship just flows, it shouldn’t be really difficult.
Try not to dwell
You will have good days and bad days. Most likely just when you are feeling okay, all of a sudden the hurt will come back. It’s important to recognize when you are dwelling on the past. There’s nothing wrong with revisiting happy memories, but you can’t focus on it. The past is the past and you need to be in the present. Go and make new memories, meet new people, live your life! Read: How to stay positive during difficult times.
Put away anything that reminds you of them
It will be extremely hard to move forward if you are surrounded by things that are constantly reminding you of the person. Rearrange your living space, change out your pictures, pack things away. I find that changing my environment really helps me process that I’m in a new chapter of my life.
Organise files on your phone/computer
Unless something horrific happened that made me want to wipe out all memories of the person completely, then I do like to keep pictures, etc. I just don’t want them where I can see them all the time. It’s hard to do this when it’s all fresh, when you feel ready, go through all your files and transfer them into a folder on your computer. You will feel a lot better knowing you aren’t going to find those happy pictures in your camera roll.
No contact.
Even if you plan on being friends, I think it’s best to go no contact for a while. You both need space to live your life and move on, individually. You can’t do this if you don’t allow yourself a new start. It’s fair for both people to have some space, interaction can lead to mixed signals and more pain.
Don’t feed the addiction
I read an article somewhere about how we are addicted to our significant others and this is why it makes it so hard when you break up. No more morning texts, no more calls, your routine is completely thrown out. In order to move forward, you need to stop fuelling the addiction. Every time you speak to the person or stalk them on social media, you are putting yourself back in that state again, don’t do it to yourself. It really isn’t worth it. Accept what is and move on, what the other person is doing from now on is none of your concern.
Find a balance; dealing with it vs distraction
Most breakup advice will tell you to surround yourself with people and completely fill up your calendar. I agree with this to an extent, but I think if you don’t take time to process the breakup and your feelings, you could prolong the healing process. Allow yourself to feel the feelings. Cry it out, watch sad films, buy yourself some nice chocolates – do what you need to do, don’t suppress your emotions.
Look after yourself
This may seem obvious but really take the time to look after yourself. Start eating nutritious food, get that water intake. It’s time to solidify your workout routine, trust me you will feel better about yourself. Think about the things you like to do but you aren’t so good with consistency; maybe a skincare routine or designated pamper nights. Here are 10 self care ideas you can do at home.
Moving on….
Find a new routine
The worst thing you can do is shutdown. Get yourself to work, stay active, make a new routine. The more you carry on, the sooner you will realize that life moves on. Bad times don’t last forever, allow yourself to be happy again. Your world didn’t end just because that person is no longer around, you are still you. Struggling? Here’s what to do when you are feeling lost.
Learn and grow
Every time you go through a breakup, you find out what works for you in a relationship and what doesn’t. Take time to reflect and think about what you want in a future partner. What areas do you need to work on? There’s no point jumping straight into another relationship, you will bring the problems with you. Learn from the experience and grow from it.
Reinvent yourself
You now have more free time and a future to create and guess what? You have full control over it! What have you always wanted to do but didn’t have time? Which hobbies have you still not pursued? Do things for you and enjoy not having to worry about anyone else. Here’s 20 productive things you can do AT HOME!
Plan ahead!
By making plans, you give yourself something to look forward to. We can often feel down because we have no hope for the future. It’s easy to get yourself in a state of lack, but it doesn’t need to be this way. Reach out to people to meet up with. Plan trips alone or with others! Anything really is possible. Don’t feel that you can’t do something because you’re single.
Make new goals
Chances are you had plans with the person you were with. It’s time to make new goals. Think outside the box and don’t be scared to leave your comfort zone. This is a huge opportunity to change your life. Move to a new city, travel to the place you’ve always wanted. Embrace having no attachments!
Remember that you are worthy whether you are in a relationship or not. Get to a point where you are happy and living your life on your own. It will be a bumpy road but you will eventually be grateful for the memories, deep down, you will understand that it just wasn’t meant to be. Everyone is on their own path and timescale. Ultimately, what does it even matter? The most important question you should ask yourself is, are you happy?
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